Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Therapy made easy

Gun violence is a very phallic thing.

Wow, ok so maybe I won't start my posts with similar themed sentences.

But it seriously is. I mean your holding a long, sleek object in your hand. When the ingredients inside that long sleek object get excited or "triggered". These ingredients then react with eachother, causing an explosion which then causes an object to come flying out of the hole. This object is then sent flying through the air at a rather intense speed, and penetrates mostly anything it comes in contact with (usually another human being).

See? phallic!

Now why the hell did I bring this up? Well I realized today, after being rather stressed financially, that I wanted to blow the heads off of millions of zombies, nazis, "terrorists", innocents, or other military personnel. While I am a peaceful man, and would never actually commit to such an act (except for zombies, I secretly pray for zombie apocalypses) I do love the release of energy I get from seeing a little pixelated blonde-hair blue eyed kraut marching towards me with a luger and then shooting him, let's say, in the knee. My imagination does the rest.

For those of you who are not experienced gamers or very casual let me recommend a few stress relieving titles that you can easily find on the internet or (if you have the money) invest in a PS3 and buy the latest and the greatest. These games are all very basic in gameplay, walk in, shoot, hope you live. Tactical games don't relieve stress, especially when your online.

Wolfenstein 3D
- Any real gamer knows this title. It is the original First Person Shooter. You are a lone american soldier trapped in Hitler's Castle Wolfenstein. Your mission: Kill every hitler-loving nazi there is. Oh and don't die. Simple, sweet, a classic.

- Wolfenstein's more famous baby brother. Made by ID, the same company who made Wolfenstein 3D. DOOM takes place in the distant future, and instead of killing Nazis, you have the pleasure of mutilating demons, monsters, mutants, monstrosities of all shapes and sizes. Even, flying eyeballs! They made a movie out of this game (starring Dwayne Johnson - don't waste your time) , and also released a new version of the game for the next generation of gamers (do waste your time on this!).

- Now a more modern one. This absolutely spectacular game is basically a Zombie flick in a video game. Actually its a collection of zombie flicks. Starring four everyday people as the survivors, the player takes over one of the survivors and the fight for your life begins. Hook up with friends online, or play solo. Either way, carnage is promised.

Well there you have it, now instead of taking pills, smoking cigarettes, or worse talking to a shrink, go and blow some scums head off.

I swear this is the most random post I've ever done.

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